Theo Walcott is my dog

Alastair Moncrieff from @allornothingmag writes on how his dog reminds him of a football star, enjoy then absolutely follow on twitter.

My childhood pet was a spaniel named ‘Cal’. Now Cal was an amiable beast who was in fact well-liked by all who met him (except a woman named Janet who quite understandably never quite warmed to him after that time he pissed on her).

Being a Spaniel, if he wasn’t sleeping or eating, Cal was running. Just running, no purpose, no destination, just running for the sake of running. He took particular delight in running very quickly in whatever direction his nose happened to be facing, ears pinned back, tongue hanging out and with no awareness of his surrounding environment. Cal was a small, havoc reeking ball of idiotic joy. Even on the occasions his boundless energy ruined a family picnic (not ours, we’re not really a picnic kind of family) or destroyed garden furniture (again not ours, we’re not really a garden furniture type of family) no-one could stay mad at him for too long, he was just too adorable, and anyway he didn’t know that what he was doing was ‘bad’.

One day my younger brother Euan and I were playing football in the garden at the same time as Cal returned from a walk with our dad. Cal loved football. At the moment of his entrance to our previously orderly game the ball was hanging in the air, it was as football parlance dictates ‘anyone’s ball’, Cal made it his, with a prodigious leap he somehow managed to bring the tatty Mitre under his control and then in a flash of unintentional brilliance proceeded to nutmeg me (both with the ball and himself) and arrogantly dribble the ball into the corner of the net. The crowd went wild (well, my Dad laughed).

Now unfortunately Cal slid of this mortal coil a few years back, I do not mourn him however, for you see, his spirit lives on in Arsenal and England winner Theo Walcott.

I see in Theo all the qualities I saw in Cal, the energy, the speed, the occasional moments of genius and the less occasional moments of head shaking idiocy. A slaloming run that culminates in an exquisitely clipped finish is swiftly followed by a slaloming run that culminate in a ruined barbeque and a burning lawn.

So consider this a plea to all football fans, do not be too harsh on Theo, for like Cal, he knows not what he does, he just likes to run.

If you’d like to talk about dogs or footballers you can find me on twitter right here https://twitter.com/AllorNothingMag

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