A twitter quiz: what do you do when?

Ever wondered what to do when someone on twitter says something less than complimentary about your football club on twitter? Are you responding in the right way? This quiz will tell you if you’re responding in the right way.

1. A player from the opposition goes down injured. What do you tweet?
A) oh dear, I hope he’s ok.
B) bet he’s faking it, typical Arsenal always bloody cheating. That bone poking through the socks is clearly fake.
C) I hope the cocky wankers career is over. That’ll learn him for attempting to beat our defender. Die injured player die.

2. Someone criticises your summer transfer deals. What do you tweet?
A) we should wait and see, as some players might surprise you.
B) yeah, whatever. In 2002 you signed someone shit, so you can hardly talk.
C) You fucking homo cunt. Go back to your own country and die. #ynwa

3. Your best player is linked with a move elsewhere. What do you tweet?
A) Please don’t leave @bestplayer we love you.
B) if he goes I’ll just have to burn my shirt, and his house down.
C) Fucking dickstain, no fucking loyalty. Can’t trust fucking foreigners.

4. Someone says you’ll get relegated this season. What do you tweet?
A) I guess we could. Probably could have bought better and the manager isn’t very inspiring.
B) you’ll get relegated, and your mum is ugly.
C) there’s a car park in Leicester, meet me there and I’ll kick your head in you fucking shit stain.

5. There’s a gif doing the rounds that makes your manager look like a fool.
A) haha, how amusing. Having your own picture on your wall is silly.
B) grow up, you fucking virgins. Get back to your parents basements (cellar?)
C) how fucking dare you, he’s a genius. What have you achieved? He’s the son of Shankly you cunt.

So how did you do?
Mostly a) you’re far too rational.
Mostly b) you probably need to get a little bit angry.
Mostly c) welcome to twitter, we’ve been waiting for you

Why I’m fully thawed, and ready to support England

In 1998 I can vividly remember watching England vs Argentina with my whole family.

My dad and I were big football fans, but my mum couldn’t identify a football let alone a footballer, my sister positively hated the game, and my brother, who was 8 at the time preferred Boglins.

So, it was strange to sit and watch the game surrounded by them all. We celebrated, despaired and ultimately commiserated with one another when it was all over.

And once it was over, it was well and truly over. It’s never happened again. We have never watched a game together as a family, and also since that day the exploits of England’s football team have never really concerned me.

I’d grown out of football by Euro 2000, only rediscovering a love/hate for it when I watched Huddersfield relegated from Division one.

World Cup 2002 was on too early in the morning to really be enjoyed together, and despite being just 16 by then I was already watching games in the pubs with friends. Our pathetic attempts at beards and smart clothing (and most importantly a very lax policy on serving anybody under age in our locals) ensuring we got served. Watching with my family was a no go at that age.

The 2004 and 2006 tournaments seem to blend in to one another, although seeing Wayne Rooney explode on to the scene in 2004 suddenly reignited my passion, but it was fading hours later when he went off injured against Portugal.

I simply wasn’t cool enough to truly embrace a European Championship without England, so although I watched a lot of games in 2008, I wasn’t overly invested.

2010 was an atrocious World Cup, for England but also just in general. And 2012 we just went along for a ride, with so little expectation and results to match.

However, suddenly this all feels different. It doesn’t feel like “we’re going to win this” but suddenly it feels like I’m starting to truly care about the national side for the first time since 1998.

I’m not a disinterested, trying desperately hard to be cool teen anymore. I’m also no longer a faux intellectual student, who’d prefer to be at Glastonbury rather than watching football anymore either. That latter idea now sounds like hell on earth.

It’s sixteen years on, and what I see is an England team with likeable players, a genuinely decent and pleasant manager, and suitably realistic expectations.

Winning or losing doesn’t really matter to me, but now I’ve stopped pretending to be cool I’ve thawed towards the England team, and I’m ready to support like a 12 year old kid again. Might even invite the family over.

Come on England

Dear FA, leave us alone, from the Football League

Hello Greg Dyke, the rest of the FA, and does Bert Millichip still work there?

I know you’re really interested in England one day winning the World Cup, and you’re coming up with exciting new strategies to improve English football, and give the country the best possible chance of glory. However whilst you’re on this fools errand can you just leave the football league alone?

It seems that every new initiative involves an enormous amount of benefit for the premier league, and some huge sacrifice for those who happen to not be in the richest league in the world.

We’re not laboratory rats you can just test your theories out on, before allowing the finished product to be there for the benefit of the Premier League.

Believe it or not, football league fans aren’t all secretly Liverpool supporters, or fans who yearn to see our team in the top flight.

Most of us are fully aware that in the Premier League we’d get battered every week, before returning to the Championship, with nothing more than a grossly inflated wage bill, 20 more players we can’t get rid of, and a new swimming pool for the chairman.

It would be nice if rather than assuming that the problem with the England team is that teams like Bury and Oxford are letting them down by not producing talent or playing loanees, that instead realise that the Premier League is the guilty party.

It’s their greed in hoarding young players from teams up and down the country, who then get lost in academies, and disappear out of football without kicking a ball.

It’s their policy of buying players rather than promoting from within when their left back has a cold, which holds back the national side. Well, that and the fact that coaching is sub standard, and that we play an outdated style of football.

The football league has provided many players who’ve gone on to play for their Country, from Joe Hart at Shrewsbury to future England star Connor Wickham at Ipswich. There have been countless others too.

We are clubs with rich histories, with fans who actually care about their club, far more than they ever will about the prospects of the national team.

Football league clubs still get involved in the community, and matter to the those who will go to the game regardless of division or league positions. They’re a huge focal point for many in Towns and Cities across the country. These are clubs that have been around for over a hundred years in some cases, and continue to be a vital part of a Saturday afternoon for millions.

We don’t want to be feeder clubs, we’re quite happy losing one week, winning the next, and seeing our local club continue along the path of mediocrity, and never contributing a thing to the England team or the Premier League.

Greg Dyke’s plan: what’s the point?

Greg Dyke and the FA have a plan, and it’s as hot as a game of topless darts played in a sauna, by two people with a very high fever.

Well, actually it’s just a topic of discussion that will rumble on for a few years, before becoming a whimsical memory of the past like the idea of a winter break, or playing Wayne Bridge at left back to allow Ashley Cole to solve England’s left sided problem.

Anyway I’m sure you can read all about it from a journalist who is pretending to care about the lower leagues. They will spin a powerful yarn, and say something worthy about lower league football, and probably quote Kipling. Anyway it seems to me that the core of the idea is to help England win the World Cup in 2022.

Is there any point in even attempting to execute this plan? Does anybody actually care about the England team anymore? I mean people go to watch them, but they tend to be part of the England band, and you must never trust anybody who takes an instrument to a football match.

The England team are basically a big brand. They’re a marketing executives dream. They can shift Mars bars and Carlsberg by the boatload, and that’s all that really matters.

Also if you need 4 players to wear a suit and look serious for an advert, well they are more than available to help you with that mission. They will also gleefully punch the air with passionate joy to a Kasabian soundtrack whilst drinking Pepsi max.

The idea that anybody at the FA is interested in anything more than more advertising revenue is somewhat surprising, but asking the football league to sort their mess out for them will not surprise anybody.

Anyway, much as the England team no longer matter, it won’t stop the football league gleefully handing them the keys to their house and giving the premier league permission to sleep with their wife.

5 reasons to keep Mark Robins

Huddersfield Town are now safe for another year of Championship football, and the planning for season can begin.

However, after a very poor finish to the season, questions are being asked about Mark Robins, and his ability to push the club forward.

As uninspiring as the second half of the season has been, I’m going to argue the case that Robins should stay, and present 5 reasons for this argument.

1) Things have improved on the pitch:
All season I’ve said that the team need to improve their tempo to really move the new passing style forward. However, at least they’ve been trying to play, and for a lot of the season they’ve played it very well.
It does need to be refined, and it needs a team who can really play the system, but it’s vastly preferable to the tedious knock it long to their defenders style played under Simon Grayson.

2) He’s not been afraid to make decisions or acknowledge his mistakes:
When the game is there for the taking Robins tends to throw an attacking player on, to give us the best chance of a victory.
When he’s signed the wrong player, he hasn’t stuck with them and wasted time on them, he’s sent them out on loan and worked to get them out of the club.
It might not be a quality that everyone appreciates but he clearly doesn’t want the wrong kind of player or anybody with a bad attitude.
It’s been risky, especially towards the end of the season, when Nakhi Wells was forced to play up front on his own, but Robins clearly won’t waste time on players he doesn’t want.

3) He’s given youth a chance:
When Peter Clarke got injured, everyone assumed that Robins would get a player on loan. Instead he went to the clubs youth set up, and promoted Tommy Smith to the first team. Smith prospered and really stood out, until he ran out of gas towards the end of the season.
Other young players have been given their chance under Robins, and I wholeheartedly approve using the academy over the loan market. It benefits our club in the long run, rather than offering a Chelsea youth team player a temporary escape from their seemingly inescapable youth system.
Players like Smith and Duane Holmes could potentially be first team regulars for years to come, so having a manager who’ll give them an opportunity is unquestionably a good thing.

4) He’s achieved his preseason aims.
The aim for this season was to push on from last season, and being safe with 2 games to go is progress, regardless of higher points tallies from last year.
If James Vaughan had avoided injury we would’ve been safe a month earlier and the improvements in play and it’s safe to say that things are slowly but surely getting better.

5) He’s close to getting entirely his own squad:

With a number of players out of contract in the summer, and Robins work over the season to remove the players who haven’t fitted in, we are now closer to seeing Mark Robins’ own squad. If more players of the calibre of Nakhi Wells come in then next season could see a huge improvement.

There have been mistakes, and maybe things haven’t been perfect, but gradual progression and not sacking a manager every season surely has to be positive.

Or you could sack him, and bring in Billy Davies, or something.

The end of season holiday special

You know a sitcom has run out of steam, and the writers out of ideas, when they send all the characters on holiday.

What once was fresh and original has now become cliched and dull. It’s all your favourite characters in shorts, drinking cocktails, and getting into scrapes involving swarthy foreigners.

Now this might seem stretched and tenuous, but at Huddersfield Town what was fresh and new, is now becoming dull and predictable, and it’s seemingly leading to us all ending up on the beach well before the season reaches it’s climax.

Mark Robins started this season with a team that was going to play exciting football, and finally transform the ethos at a club that lacked a clear footballing direction.

It was going to be exciting passing football, that would move us away from being relegation candidates.

It started well enough, with defenders attempting to pass from the back, and a fresh determination to play though the middle was adopted.

It was all fairly successful to begin with, as the Terriers picked up some good results, but the football lacked tempo and pace.

Teams who play that style well make three passes in the time it takes Peter Clarke to position his foot to clumsily sidefoot the ball near to Keith Southern.

The football hasn’t really improved since the beginning of the season, and although there have been fine performances, or good halves, but it’s all still a bit transitional.

Injuries haven’t helped matters, with the team looking infinitely better with the frequently absent James Vaughan, but for the last few months it’s all looked very tired and dull.

So that’s why we find ourselves stuck on the beach. We’re still trying, but not very hard anymore. The players look as if they’ve eaten too much of the continental breakfast, and are distracted by the slot machines.

The rest of the season looks destined to end with all the players in flip flops carrying a straw donkey around the midfield.

Whether the programme will be renewed for next season remains to be seen, but at the moment we look destined to add some long lost cousin to the whole thing and ruining it completely.