5 reasons that I’ll never be a journalist

I have a confession: I cannot type. Throughout my time at university I used to type out 3000 word essays using 1 finger.

This is just one of the many reasons I’ll never be a journalist.

Sadly the list of reasons is now too long to overcome, and sadly the job I wanted most as a 16 year old will forever remain a pipe dream alongside professional wrestler.

I’ll list the 5 main reasons below:

1) In a world that requires fact & stats I much prefer to write using my instincts: A well used one liner would give me far more joy than a well placed fact backed up with stats. Unfortunately without facts I’m sure you risk legal proceedings & even worse comments calling you a “lazy journalist”

2) Unlike the 18 year old me I no longer live for football: I like a choice of what I can do on a Saturday, and although I still love the game, I don’t want to commit every weekend to it.

3: I cannot make mountains out of molehills: every week in football a big club is in crisis. I never believe this, so I’d find it hard to write about it. For example in a few months Manchester United will be fine again.

4) It’s not what you write, it’s what you leave out: every time I’ve written anything, I always get comments about not mentioning something. I could constantly respond with “I can’t nor do I want to include everything” but then I suppose they might be right and I do fear that I miss the point quite often.

5) I have no specialty: I don’t like tactics, I’m not particularly interested in football outside England, I’m not very funny, I’m not controversial, I’m incapable of banter, I don’t bet, I rarely predict scores correctly, so I suspect I’d end up being the journalistic equivalent of a journeyman footballer.

So there you have it, 5 reasons I’ll never be a journalist. Don’t give up on your dreams though kids, as you should never make people like me your role model.

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