Why twitter has made it impossible to be a football fan

Before the internet it must’ve been pretty easy to be a football fan. You’d go to the match, then you’d go to the pub to discuss it.

This is probably simplifying things, as I’m sure many people skipped the pub to have a huge fight.

Nowadays we watch the match, phones in hand, barely looking at the game, focusing more on tweeting opinions as the game progresses. White hot thoughts on every incident, that an hour later read as contextless nonsense.

Then when the game is over you have to deal with the vast range of views. The doom and gloom: “that was a disgraceful bag of shit” and the ceaselessly positive “thought we were unlucky, and our right back did rather well”

Then you voice your own opinion “for a bag of shit at least it wasn’t too putrid” which is met with “were we at the same game?” or “nicely put, hate all these doom and gloom merchants”

Opinions become even harder to voice when you’re dealing with statisticians. “He’s awful” is usually met with “erm I think you’ll find he completed 95% of his passes” or “I am going to come to your house and brutally murder you, how dare you express an opinion that isn’t at least sponsored by opta”

Then there’s the way you show your support. You can’t wear a shirt, because you’ll be a hooligan, you can’t let your kid wear a full kit because your 5 year old will be a “full kit wanker” & don’t sing to loudly or you’ll upset someone nearby, and they’ll write a strongly worded post about the arsehole who sang all game and really ruined the atmosphere.

You aren’t allowed to like pundits as they know nothing, you can’t say it’s a game of two halves without being smacked in the face by football cliches, and if you wrongly predict anything some little Herbert will trawl through your account to retweet this. “Your failure to accurately predict the future greatly amuses me”

All in all twitter makes it hard to be a football fan, as too many people are judging us for how we go about it.

Suppose I could just ignore it all…yeah good plan

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