The triffic case of Joe Kinnear

Joe Kinnear shocked everyone yesterday, by not only revealing he was still alive, but by saying he had agreed to become Newcastle’s director of football.

Rather than cover familiar “it’s a terrible decision” ground & discuss Kinnear’s regular bouts of swearing & general ill health, I thought I’d reveal a theory I’ve long been formulating.

I have always been of the opinion that Joe Kinnear is actually Harry Redknapp, in a not terribly convincing disguise.

I have no evidence to back up this claim, but they both seem suitably deluded, they both sound similar, and both look as if they have sat too close to a fire, causing them to melt.

However there are enough differences to allow Redknapp to get away with it for so long. Redknapp is loved by the media, Kinnear is hated. Redknapp has a twitch, Kinnear probably has Tourette’s. It’s clever but he isn’t fooling me.

It seems that if Joe Kinnear is back in football, then this means that Harry Redknapp will have to try and be at 2 places at the same time.

Much like a character in a sitcom that has a date with two women on the same night, and has to find a balance, leading to hilarious consequences, Harry will have to show Houdini like powers to be at both St James’ Park and Loftus Road at the same time.

This will ultimately come to a head when they face each other in the cup, when Harry, in full Kinnear get up, heads down from the stands, and sits in the QPR dugout.

The back pages will have to take a break from printing nothing but loving artist’s impressions of Jose Mourinho, to cover this modern day Jekyll and Hyde.

If it turns out that Joe Kinnear hasn’t been offered the Newcastle director of football job, then we can assume that Harry has in fact realised that he cannot pull off this elaborate ruse. I will also assume this to be the case if Redknapp decides to leave QPR.

This might be the greatest secret in football, and I can exclusively reveal that I hope it’s true.

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